lukon_idein: (Fake)
[personal profile] lukon_idein
With stress building from the Unknown Future of Unknown, I have once again channeled my energies into pr0n. Just a wee draught to slake my naughty Gibbs thirst. Hopefully now I can settle down and face the UFoU with a clear mind. (HA.) Or maybe I can at least focus on my corrections a little more. Need to clear up a ton of frustrating loose ends which sometimes make me want to punch things. Or, as is safer, take it out on my hot, fictional boys. Sorry, Jethro, but it's your turn tonight. :D

So, without further ado, for those who can manage to get to anyone else's postings amidst all this LJ cloak and dagger craziness, I humbly present...

Title: Self-Inflicted Punishment
Author: Lukoni
Fandom: NCIS
Pairings: Mention of Gibbs/Dinozzo and Dinozzo/Barrett; OMC/Gibbs
Word Count: 770
Summary: Gibbs feels things slipping out of control, and needs some help getting it back.
Rating: R
Warnings: Brief, non-explicit M/M BDSM. Mild angst.
Notes: Tag to episode 8x20 (“Two-Faced”), so probably some spoilers there. Just a little Gibbs POV to help me sort out the weirdness of this latest ep.





Self-Inflicted Punishment

Gibbs walked stiffly up his front stairs in the silence of the early morning, sore and exhausted, but his gut had calmed, for now at least. It had been churning like an unsettled sea since that night, weeks ago now, when Tony had turned his back on him, ignoring his warning, and had gone after that woman like a guided missile.

He stopped on the porch to pick up an unwanted menu left by some enterprising restaurateur, stooping carefully, feeling the welts on his back pull. He really couldn’t blame Tony for wanting more, for wanting the American dream – wife, kids, house with a lawn and rain gutters that creaked in the wind. Hell, by the time Gibbs was Tony’s age he’d been married three times – or was it four? The kid hadn’t taken the plunge even once yet.

The unlocked door yielded easily to his touch and he slipped inside feeling ancient. Like a ghost. Haunting an abandoned house. Tony hadn’t been here since that night, and Gibbs hadn’t really expected him, even though he might have wished for him. They only had sex occasionally, when it was convenient, and ever since Barrett had showed her damned perky face in DC, it certainly hadn’t been convenient for Tony.

He shouldn’t have let it get to him, but between Vance trying to get him fired or possibly killed, Dinozzo ignoring him, McGee looking for something higher, and Ziva in love, he just couldn’t stop himself. Before he knew it, his feet were carrying him back up the stairs and he was trying to warn Barrett away from Tony like a Mama Grizzly protecting her cubs.

He tried to tell himself that he was only looking out for Tony. That he could see so many ways that this could end badly for Tony that Tony refused to see. He tried to tell himself that he was only attempting to maintain the integrity of his team, which was already starting to fracture out from underneath him without the help of a beautiful, young firecracker of an agent. But he couldn’t lie to himself – part of him wanted to keep Tony all to himself. It was a convenient arrangement. Satisfying, to himself at least, who had been married so many times and did not want to tilt at that windmill again. Comfortable.

There wasn’t a head slap hard enough to knock any sense into his own thick head tonight, it seemed. He could hardly hope to keep his team under control if he couldn’t keep himself under control. And so he had made the call. A man Morrow had introduced him to years ago. Former marine and who knew what else, who specialized in arranging certain liaisons for military and ex-military personnel. Gibbs had been sorely in need of his services after Paris. And occasionally someone else had been in need of Gibbs since. Tonight he wanted someone older and tough as nails, someone who could give him punishment, discipline and control. Victor had given him Andrew.

He climbed slowly up the single flight to his bedroom, cataloging every ache and pain. The slight chafing of the skin of his wrists from the thick leather cuffs. The strain in his shoulders from hanging in the frame. The burn in his back from the strap, laid on to perfection. The soreness of his ass from a thorough and relentless fucking. The blindfold had helped him focus, and he hadn’t made a sound the whole time, except to answer his master.

There was satisfaction to be gained from that, at least, he thought as he flopped, face first and fully dressed, onto his bed. Learn to hold your tongue, marine. You should know that by now. Keep your weaknesses hidden, don’t broadcast them to the whole damned room. Listen, observe, outmaneuver.

If only he could stop getting old. If only he could keep his team in a safe little bubble, like Abby wanted him to. If only he could figure out what the hell Vance was plotting behind his back. He felt like the ship was sinking, but it was his duty to try and do everything in his power to save it, no matter how useless his efforts.

At least tonight, for a while anyway, he found balance. By forcing himself to obey, he had regained his self-control. And in a few hours, he’d head back to the office, with armor made of welts and bruises, reminding him with every ache to hold it together, to stay focused, to keep his eyes open and his mouth shut. Reminding him that he was alone. And strong.

on 2011-04-08 05:58 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] plutos-revenge.livejournal.com
Very powerful and those last two lines... ouch. I really do love how you write Gibbs

on 2011-04-08 06:32 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] lukon-idein.livejournal.com
Thank you so much! The last two lines kind of surprised me when I was writing but they felt right so I left them - so glad you found them effective. *hugs* Am very happy you like my attempt at Gibbs - it's so hard to figure out what's going on inside that thick skull of his - he seems to have this odd combination of thinking self-reflection is a waste of time and yet knowing himself very well (and not sharing with anyone else).

Thanks again for the awesome feedback! It totally made my day. :)

on 2011-04-08 06:28 am (UTC)
iamwintermute: (Default)
Posted by [personal profile] iamwintermute
whoa... sub!Gibbs! very nicely done!

on 2011-04-08 06:34 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] lukon-idein.livejournal.com
D'oh - I totally forgot to put that in the description. Sorry! :D Glad you still liked it. THANKS!!

on 2011-04-08 07:21 pm (UTC)
iamwintermute: (Default)
Posted by [personal profile] iamwintermute
oh no problem at all for me!!! I've been bending over backwards looking for sub!Gibbs fics! there is just not enough of them out there! lol...

on 2011-04-08 11:03 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] lukon-idein.livejournal.com
Haha!! Well, I'm glad I could feed your craving, if only with a little bitty fic! :)

on 2011-04-08 06:28 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] xanthelj.livejournal.com
Excellent character study - and I loved the way Gibbs was using the BDSM to keep himself focussed.

on 2011-04-08 06:44 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] lukon-idein.livejournal.com
Thanks so much!!! I really appreciate the feedback. I have no idea if people really do get that from BDSM, but I know pain does have a way of burning away the extraneous, distracting thoughts and paring things down to the basics. (Which I think Gibbs really needed after that episode!)

on 2011-04-08 06:48 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] xanthelj.livejournal.com
That is absolutely one of the things people can get from BDSM. There are many different reasons why people are attracted to it but I thought the use you put it to here was excellent - very in character and very Gibbs and one of the ways in which I could see him subbing as it's hard to write such a very toppy character subbing. I love stories where he subs for that very reason but they have to ring true and this absolutely did.

I really loved it!

on 2011-04-11 06:30 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] lukon-idein.livejournal.com
Phew!! Am so glad to know that I'm not completely off base! So many fics with BDSM focus on the relationship between the OTP and make it seem like it can only be satisfying if it is between devoted lovers (or those who are destined to be in the story). But I don't see Gibbs being willing to be that vulnerable for Tony (or anyone else he sees as under his protection). I think he would associate obedience and physical punishment with his military background, and would only be comfortable submitting to someone from that setting. Thanks so much for your very educational info. I am very happy my story gets your seal of approval! <3

on 2011-04-08 10:27 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] kathana-grey.livejournal.com
Touching and sad. Gibbs is so lonely in this story, it makes me weep but the really sad thign is that I can see this as canon. Just a scene that got cut. Thank you for sharing.

on 2011-04-08 06:49 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] lukon-idein.livejournal.com
Am sorry to make you sad! And I don't think Gibbs thinks of himself as lonely, but to us viewers his life does seem a bit empty. Thanks so much for the great feedback! Am flattered you that you found it very canon-like. <3

on 2011-04-08 10:31 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] mistressslash.livejournal.com
That was powerful. You can understand his frustration: what's going in Vance's head? Tony's head? What are they thinking and doing to Gibbs?

Great story!

on 2011-04-08 06:53 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] lukon-idein.livejournal.com
Thank you very much! I am glad you enjoyed it!! There is so much hinkiness going on, Gibbs MUST be frustrated - even if he doesn't let us humble viewers witness it. I am secretly hoping that Gibbs already knows what is going on in Vance's head and is quietly preparing a counteroffensive!

on 2011-04-08 10:33 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] theeverdream.livejournal.com
YES OH MY GOODNESS. This is so perfect. I can see all of these emotions happening here. Bottom!Gibbs is so wonderful when it is convincing and you certainly made it that way!

on 2011-04-08 10:54 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] lukon-idein.livejournal.com
Woohoo! Thank you so much! Am so happy you liked it and that you found his subbing convincing. Toppy Gibbs usually seems more in character, and I have encountered some extremely improbable bottom!Gibbs scenarios, but it seemed so natural in this case that I even forgot to put it in the warnings! :D

on 2011-04-08 11:04 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] onlyonechoice.livejournal.com
This is really good stuff - I love when people can find ways to explain sub!Gibbs that makes me believe it.

Excellent work.

on 2011-04-08 10:57 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] lukon-idein.livejournal.com
Thanks very much!! Am so glad this Gibbs was believable - I think the seed was planted a long time ago when Gibbs gave himself a headslap for tampering with evidence. Ever since then I have felt that Gibbs would be willing to take (physical) punishment when he thinks he deserves it (as long as it's on his terms...). :)

on 2011-04-08 06:06 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] cernicalo8909.livejournal.com
Can so easily see this Gibbs, needing to focus and center himself and finding strength in his release, but oh, so sad, so lonely, so very believable. Great fic. Thank you.

on 2011-04-08 11:02 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] lukon-idein.livejournal.com
Thanks very much for the feedback! Am so glad you liked it, even if it made you sad. :( Gibbs is definitely a solitary character, but I don't know if that necessarily means he's lonely. Although in this case I think he does miss Tony more than he thought he would. :) But that just means Gibbs will be waiting for him when everything with EJ falls spectacularly apart. ;)

on 2011-04-09 03:39 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] slashfanatic22.livejournal.com
Poor Gibbs! I just wanna reach through my screen and give him a hug!

This was beautifully written! I loved it (and I don't usually like sub!Gibbs lol) Wonderful Job! :D

on 2011-04-11 05:31 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] lukon-idein.livejournal.com
Awwwww! Me too - I've wanted to give him a hug this whole season - pretty much every time Vance starts dicking him around. :D

Thank you so much for the feedback!! Am very glad you liked it, especially since you don't usually go for sub!Gibbs.

on 2011-04-09 05:17 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] lil-1337.livejournal.com
I'm working my way through season six right now and this has me looking forward to seeing what happens.

on 2011-04-11 05:41 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] lukon-idein.livejournal.com
Hey there!! Thanks so much for reading even though it means jumping ahead! (Have you seen the one where they go to Arizona yet? Gibbs + Horses = Happy Lukoni) Season 7 was not my favorite but 8 is pretty good (though I reserve final judgment till I find out what sort of havoc they end up wreaking at the end). As you see from my story, there are some interesting... tensions... going on. :)

on 2011-04-11 05:44 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] lil-1337.livejournal.com
I don't remember Arizona one and it should have stuck in my mind. I had problems with the discs I'd burned so we are still in the middle of season six, but I'm hoping to finally get some serious watching done in the next couple of weeks.

on 2011-04-11 06:07 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] lukon-idein.livejournal.com
The Arizona one is apparently episode 17 (South by Southwest), so it sounds like you haven't gotten to it yet. I just always love to see Gibbs get all outdoorsy. :) I also like the ep because it guest stars Mira Furlan who was Delenn on Babylon 5 (not sure if you have seen that show) who was supremely cool.

But you've seen the one with Gibbs's dad, right???

Hope you get a chance to catch up soon!

on 2011-04-11 06:12 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] lil-1337.livejournal.com
We're on 13 so that explains it. Gibbs being outdoorsy is cool, he seems happy when he is.

Yes! I loved his dad and Ralph Waite was the perfect person to play him.

on 2011-04-11 06:42 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] lukon-idein.livejournal.com
Ralph Waite was so great! I love that fact that Gibbs has one of the most beloved fathers in the history of TV and still can't get along with him. That is either the most ironic casting or most brilliant casting ever. (Or maybe both...)

on 2011-04-11 06:46 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] lil-1337.livejournal.com
A little of both maybe though I'm leaning more to brilliant. They had great chemistry and snark with each other too.

on 2011-04-09 09:19 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] maldeluxx.livejournal.com
*exhales* Poor Gibbs, but at least he has some way of release, even if he remains alone *hugs him carefully*

on 2011-04-11 05:54 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] lukon-idein.livejournal.com
I like to think of his activities as a form of self-medicating. ;) It does suck to leave him that way - I live in hope that things will go spectacularly badly with EJ, and Tony will realize that all he needs is the G man. :) Thanks so much for reading and commenting. (I'm sure Gibbs would appreciate that careful hug, even if he'd never admit it...)

on 2011-04-09 07:33 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] mapleshade.livejournal.com
Wow. I can just imagine this is what it takes for someone has strong as Gibbs to keep it together. Amazing.

on 2011-04-11 05:58 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] lukon-idein.livejournal.com
Thanks so much for reading and commenting! It does seem like it would take a lot to knock some sense into his stubborn hide. So glad you liked it. :)

on 2011-04-15 04:58 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] aayesha-r.livejournal.com
I've had trouble with LJ and I've tried to post a comment for you three times and been kicked off. The story is so important to me that I'll keep trying until LJ lets me through.

Your words grabbed my emotions and twisted. I wasn't expecting a sub!Gibbs, and rarely see him in this role. What he had done and seemed like self-abuse as a coping mechanism until the final paragraph when it all came together beautifully. The BDSM had a purpose with a positive outcome. You pulled it off as near to perfectly as I've seen in a long time.

The second time I read the story, I couldn't help wondering about the Dom who could take Gibbs down to the place he needed to be. He must be good, and Gibbs seems to trust the Doms in a way he rarely trusts anyone else. I find that interesting. On a sad note, it doesn't sound like the Dom gave him any more than Gibbs would accept. A beating, a fucking, and no staying the night. Poor Gibbs deserves more in his life, and Tony really needs to straighten up and stop being an ass.

Thanks for such a moving story. Do you mind if I download it so that I have it with me when I travel? I won't pass it on without permission.

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