lukon_idein: (Trowa Barton crimson)
Yo. As has been the case for many others, it appears, I haven't really been up for writing lately. Mostly I'm attributing it to stress, though I've also felt more emotionally stable lately, which apparently translates into 'emotionally dead with no interesting thought in my head.' But last night as I was flipping through my anime pictures folder, I came across one that I'd always meant to write a story for, and for some unknown reason I went ahead and did just that. (I must have been possessed by demons.) It's not an emotionally deep or moving story, but it was fun just to get some words down on "paper" again.

So if anyone's still interested in Trowa, here's a quickie...

Title: Brace for Impact
Author: Lukoni
Characters: Trowa, Heero, mention of Trowa/OMC
Word Count: ca 900
Summary: Trowa finishes up a job and prepares to withstand the fallout.
Rating: PG
Warnings: References to gritty spy life, humor, as many metaphors for ‘junk’ as I could think of, minimal plot.
Notes: Set post-EW. Inspired by an old piccie by Kashie Chan . I’ve always wanted to write a story to go with this! No idea why I did it now, but I’m not complaining.

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lukon_idein: (Trowa Nanashi)
Wow, I've been running around like crazy for at least a week now and I'm still not sure where all the time has gone. I certainly haven't accomplished much despite all the buzzing about. But I have been earning some extra bucks on an editing job, which is waaaay cool. Cash in the bank and another notch on the CV. Who can ask for anything more?? And I went on a really good dive last weekend. Practiced my buoyancy at my leisure and managed to maneuver pretty well around the cheezy sunken boat with camera in hand. It was really nice having a shallow, stress-free setting just to practice. Usually I just have to go straight into work mode and hope I don't screw up.

So I'm supposed to be going at my thesis with both barrels these days. Which means any time spent writing should be NOT be spent on writing smut. Sigh. Stupid real life. :P (I bite my thumb at you!) We'll see how long I can hold out!

Speaking of fic, I've barely had time to shower let alone write anything lately. Fortunately since everyone at [ profile] gw500 was at Yaoicon last week, the challenge was to haul something out of your odds and ends basket for posting. And there is this one story that I'm pretty sure I never posted anywhere. I wrote it a while back - about 2 years, I think - but I was never entirely happy with it. I think it's a little too standard and not particularly insightful. (Not that my other stuff IS, mind you.) But I figured I'd post it there anyway, with a copy here so I can at least make an attempt to have all my fic in one place. (On that front, other happy news - someone left feedback on a couple of superold stories over the weekend and I was completely surprised but mega happy. It's so cool to know people are coming across these and enjoying them! *warm glow of sharing my perversion with the world*)

Title: Bad Dream
Author: Lukoni
Characters: Heero + Trowa
Word Count: 620
Summary: Heero has a dream that is hard to shake.
Rating: PG
Warnings: Tad of violence; possible cliche!Heero
Notes: Set just before Heero’s duel with Zechs in Antarctica. (I'm crap at episode numbers!)

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lukon_idein: (Trowa Nanashi)
Well, it certainly has been a while since I've posted. **Whinge Alert - feel free to skip ahead to story at end of post.** I was in something of a panic after my last post - it led to a slew of really, really amazing feedback and I was completely overwhelmed, and a bit unnerved to think that all these people were reading my stuff. Totally scary. Silly, I realize, because why the hell else does one post to a journal and make it public?? But still, I've been reasonably anonymous so far, which is actually kind of a comfortable place to be.

Knowing people read your posts is great, because it's wonderful to have friends who share similar perversions interests, but it also changes slightly the audience for whom I write my posts - which has for the most part been, um, me. But as my audience gains more of a face I feel more pressure to be careful what I say so I don't offend anyone. Which is a little restricting. But everything comes with a price, I suppose. And then with so many people saying such wonderful things about my stories - it's so exciting but also gave me one hell of a case of writer's block. Or, rather, performance anxiety! The thought that people expect certain things from you is kind of terrifying. Guess I'm just used to blending into the background. (Maybe why I'm so fond of Trowa?)

I have a friend I met in a summer program once - she, one other guy and I were older than most of the other students there and had some work experience under our belt, while everyone else was fresh out of their undergrad lives, so we didn't really have much in common with them. So the three of us hung out together a lot for meals and such, and called ourselves the Island of Misfit Toys. It's usually a small place to be, but I'm used to it. But I guess the entire internet is filled with them - an Archipelago of Misfit Toys!

And there's another friend I made during my current program and she is completely and totally popular. Not that bitchy Queen of the World popular, but the geuinely nice completely thoughtful and fun popular. I've never had a friend like that. I used to find myself feeling jealous every now and then of everyone else trying to claim her time, until I realized what the problem was. Now I mostly admire how she handles people and wonder at how she seems to care about and for so many people. It would be too stressful for me. I'd always be worrying about making everyone happy and needing things from me and it would drive me out of my mind. Literally.

All of which I find a bit amusing in the light of the story I just read on [ profile] love_trowa - Just Might Break by [ profile] taigne. Some of the thoughts rolling around in Trowa's brain in that one are just a little too close to my own. CREE - PEEEE. Still, nice to know I'm not the only to have had thoughts like that. *goes to yellow pages to look for therapist*

So now that my brooding sulk is over - for the time being at least - I finally conquered my fear of writing enough to scribble down this one. An idea which has been kicking around in my head for a while now. Since I still seem to be blocked on the Fresh New Idea front, I figured I'd better just go raid my backlog of Weird Old Ideas. And if any of you have followed my ramblings this far - God bless you, and sorry for being a whiny baby!

Title: Family Ties
Author: Lukoni
Characters: Mariemeia Kushrenada, Trowa Barton (references to 3x4)
Word Count: ca. 2700
Summary: Mariemeia wants something from the man who bears her uncle’s name.
Rating: G
Warnings: Minor peril. Humor. Mild hair abuse.
Notes: Set post-EW. Written for [ profile] gw500 challenge #166: Comb. This idea came to me a while back after reading a slew of stories that involved T&Q dealing with their own children or those of Quatre’s sisters (especially the most excellent ‘Favorite Uncle’ stories by Windsor Blue) – this is a sort of irreverent response that is in no way intended as a criticism of any of those stories and should not be construed to actually take place in any of those universes. I hope no one will be offended. Feedback/Criticism/Typo notifications welcome. Thanks for reading!

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lukon_idein: (Trowa Nanashi)
So I just went out to the bar for the usual weekly gathering and as soon as I got there I pretty much wanted to leave again. I just haven't been enjoying other people's company lately. Ok, so I've always been a total curmudgeon and a massive loser in the realm of social chitchat, but I know these guys so it should be hard. I guess it's still stress.

Perhaps that's why I wrote this latest installment of my ongoing project of Failure by Fanfic. My recent attack of workplace stress has led me to bestow the affliction on one of my favorite five. (Sorry, Heero - but it was either you or Wufei, and I just suck at writing him.)

Now if I can just finish that fic for Dentelle_Noir.... *gulp* It is SOOOOOOO late now I'm just depressed. But when those muses run and hide it's really hard to force them. I'll try. Spring Break coming up - that may help.

Also need a new anime series. Just finished Get Backers. It was excellent and I really want to read the manga, but it apparently will reach over 35 volumes which is way more than I can afford! I've started Yugo: The Negotiator - which is, refreshingly, for grownups which makes me happy, but is also very short. Got to find a good long one to sink my claws into. Oh yeah, and finish Full Metal Alchemist - just don't want get to the uber-depressing ending that is hurtling at me like a runaway train. Sigh. I could start on that next Dorothy Dunnett book - No. Must resist until summer... evil... EVIL

Anyway, here's the latest attempt at fic. I completely had Heero's thoughts in my head but it was getting unwieldy to put them on paper so I just left them out completely, trusting the reader to fill in the appropriate miasma of deeply imbedded self-recrimination mixed with tentative tendrils of hope. Not sure I provided enough framework for that, though. We'll see.

Title: Sins of the Father
Author: Lukoni
Characters: Trowa+Heero (friendship), HeeroxDuo
Word Count: 860
Summary: Heero’s under stress. For everyone’s sake, Trowa has to talk him down.
Rating: G
Warnings: Nothing much. Some alcohol consumption.
Notes: Set post-EW. Not sure I like how it came out, but I’m throwing it out there anyway. Written for GW500 challenge #162: Chips. Feedback/Criticism/Typo notifications welcome. Thanks for reading!

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lukon_idein: (Trowa Nanashi)
Well, I did it again. Stayed up past my bedtime writing another silly story. When will I ever learn not to start these things at 9pm?? I'm totally sleep-deprived this week as it is (much interesting happenings at school, along with stressful issues with motor vehicle registration nazis), and really really really wanted to go to bed three hours ago, but.... I couldn't resist the lure of ficland. So evil.

So without further ado (so I can get to bed asap!)...

Title: It’s a Colorful Life
Author: Lukoni
Characters: Quatre(xTrowa), Duo(+Heero)
Word Count: 1473 (or thereabouts)
Summary: Quatre sees life a little differently than everyone else. Sometimes Duo wishes he didn't!
Rating: G
Warnings: No bad language. No smex. Very pure and unobjectionable. (Well, I wouldn’t go that far....)
Notes: Set post-EW. Started out trying for angsty introspection, but it seems to have veered off toward slapstick with a big dose of sap at the end. Written for GW500 challenge #161: Pain. Written in half-coma, so please notify me about any typos or other blatant errors. Thanks for reading!

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lukon_idein: (Trowa Nanashi)
So I've been in a bad mood for at least two weeks now. Seriously bad. Not wanting to hang out with anyone. Angry at things for no reason. Stuff like that. I thought it was PMS, but no such luck. That's been and gone and yet I'm still as cranky as a Model T engine. I have no idea why, though I suppose I've been a little stressed about my lack of progress towards my thesis - It's coming on three years now and I don't even have an outline. And I did sign up for a full schedule of classes this semester in an attempt to keep me from slacking off as badly as I did last semester, but that makes it difficult for me to find any extra time for thesis stuff. So maybe it's just that. I sure hope it goes away soon. It's tiring being angry all the time!!

As an attempt to deal with it through writing, I sifted through all the old story ideas in my head looking for something that I could write while in such a vile mood - no fluffy bunnies or giddy crushes - and I did find one. Though oddly, the story didn't come out as angry or gritty as I had originally envisioned. I came up with the idea over a year ago, after reading so much Trowa stuff that the only thing left I could find that I hadn't read was a bunch of 3x5 stories. Now this is a couple that I can NEVER see get together. They just seem to have absolutely nothing in common. In order to read any 3x5, I usually just have to accept that they're together and not ask how it came about. So way back when I racked my brain for a situation in which they might realistically interact sexually, and this was the only one I could come up with. Not a happy tale, but I did my best to demonstrate why I thought it was so unlikely that they'd ever fall in love with each other. At least not based on their relationship from the series. I might buy it if some post-EW event brought them together, but so far I haven't come across a fic like that.

Not sure where to post it - it certainly doesn't fall under this week's [ profile] gw500 challenge (Romance)! And I'm not sure it falls within the mandate for [ profile] love_trowa, since he is portrayed in a slightly unflattering light. But then again it's not dark enough for [ profile] darktrowa. I did just discover [ profile] gundamwing_smut, however, and it might fit there. Hmmmm. All these levels of fandom. So tricky! But for now, I'll just post it here and get it over with. If anyone reads it and has a suggestion, let me know! Must go to bed - stupid 9 am classes! (Gee, I remember when I used to have to get to work every day at nine. - Shut up, conscience!)

Title: Lessons
Author: Lukoni
Fandom: Gundam Wing
Pairing: 5x3
Summary: Trowa will do whatever it takes to infiltrate Mariameia’s army.
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 1210
Warnings: Dubious consent. Oral sex.
Notes: Set during Endless Waltz.

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lukon_idein: (Trowa Barton crimson)
( You're about to view content that the journal owner has advised should be viewed with discretion. )
lukon_idein: (Trowa Nanashi)
My roommate is whistling. It's driving me crazy. Please shut up now! I can't really complain, because he's generally a super great roommate. Oh phew - he just left. Yipppee! : ) I'm such a bitch!!

Anyway, here is yet another fanfic posting. Fuck. I'm NEVER getting this damn thesis done. But I can't help feeling that at least writing fic is some sort of writing and it keeps me in practice. Or something. But if I end up writing an AU novella about Trowa born into slavery in a villa in Tuscany and then catching the eye of a passing senator and purchased and brought to Rome where he falls in love with young slave musician in the Imperial household... well, I don't think anyone will be surprised except my committee.

Anyway, this latest fic has made me crave photography again. I really miss it. Went to Deviantart to check out some people's stuff and it was so hard to see all that amazing stuff and know I couldn't do that. I shot a bunch of stuff this summer but mainly snapshots. Nothing that I really worked hard on. And while I love the freedom of digital I can't stand not having an SLR. Just can't afford one of those right now. And can't afford film and processing for my old faithful. And a deeper problem is my lack of inspiration. I don't know how to get that back - nothing around here catches my visual interest and gets my mind working. It takes time and engergy and hope and a certain sense of mental freedom that I've been missing for a while. Sigh. And if I try to get back into it I will feel totally guilty for not working on my thesis. That's life, I guess.

Well, better get this up and posted so I can go work on my costume for Friday's Halloween party. What, me? Total slack? Don't know what you mean!

Title: Number 42
Author: Lukoni
Characters/Pairing: Duo/Heero, hints of Quatre/Trowa, Wufei
Word Count: 817
Summary: Duo gets a lesson in art appreciation.
Rating: PG
Warnings: Mostly harmless, some nudity, bit of sap.
Notes: Written for GW500 challenge #142: Pi. Set post-EW. Not sure I like the ending - I started out lighthearted and silly but then I went looking for motivations and got a little sidetracked. Wufei is a hard character for me to get into. He’s so good at keeping people out. Feedback/Criticism/Typo notifications welcome. Thanks for reading!

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lukon_idein: (Trowa Nanashi) contemplate getting a personalized license plate that reads TROWA03? Yeah, I thought so. Oh well. I wasn't seriously contemplating... more like hmmm, that's an interesting license plate - I wonder what I'd get if I'd ever bothered to get one. You know - that kind of thing. Yup. Uh huh. Soooooo, how 'bout those Mets?

Finally saw Howl's Moving Castle. SOOOOOO great! A few parts of the plot made no sense, but I can happily overlook it. (Like why does the entire fate of the these two kingdoms depend on Suliman's grudge against Howl. Confusing.) But I must say I am so glad this didn't come out when I was 13! YIKES! I probably would have been a complete ball of obsession (oh, like I'm not now?). Young, handsome mysterious wizard???? Fuck, I'd have been doomed. As it is I watched it twice in row. But I also love the idea of this girl who is allowed to discover more about herself as a 90-year-old than as a young woman. Without the pressures of sex appeal (or lack thereof for our 'plain' heroine) she can behave differently and see herself differently. A great lesson, I think, in this beauty-obsessed world. (I say after gushing over how hot Howl is. But I never said I wasn't a hypocrite!)

Also finished Disc 7 of Kyo Kara Maoh [beware spoilers in this paragraph]. It left the song 'We Love You Conrad' from Bye Bye Birdie stuck in my head for several days. : p Talk about dropping off the face of the planet. EVIL. We couldn't afford the character's voice actor anymore so we're just gonna use his arm instead. Today the part of Conrart Weller will be played by... his arm. Hehehehee. No, really, the suspense is killing me - dead or alive? (I'm voting for not dead.) Scarred for life or completely curable with magic demony healing powers? This show is one of those uniquely Asian slap-stick angst fests where you just never know which way the story is going to turn. Generally slap-stick prevails in this one but then I was completely not expecting the whole arm hacking bit. Not sure what I was expecting from an episode entitled Conrad's Arm, but I clearly wasn't thinking quite that literally! D'oh.

Okay so that's pretty much a rundown of my procrastinatory measures of the past week. Oh, yeah, I posted a quickie story on GW500 last week - at only 201 words it's really just a drabble in response to the prompt "chicken". As I mentioned in my intro there, 'chicken' and 'hot sex' are complete incompatible, so I ended up with goofy, sappy comedy instead. Though I did nobly refrain from tossing in an actual rubber chicken.

And of course tonight, instead of reading my articles on craft specialization or working on my abstract, I.... surprise, surprise, wrote another stupid story. That's what comes from another weekend fanfic binge. So spineless. Anyway this is just a short one about Trowa and his amnesia. (another longer one languishes unfinished on my desktop) This one's mostly inspired by my worries about my own lack of memory. I have spent so long actively trying to forget embarrassing moments from my day/week/life (which always seems like all the moments I ever experienced) that I can remember very little of my past - even the good bits. And then I worry about my grandfather and his memory loss. It's so painful to just lose someone like that and I'm scared that someday that's going to be me. But anyway, this is Trowa, and his problems are somewhat different from mine. Still, I gave him a similar starting point. Hope it doesn't suck too much. Written while listening to Ethel's "Be In" - a fucking zen masterpiece!!!!

And don't forget... When you're not near to us, we're blue. Oh Conrad, we love you.

Title: Reshelving the Soul
Author: Lukoni
Characters: Trowa
Word Count: 458
Summary: Trowa reflects on the importance of memories.
Rating: G
Warnings: Introspection, total plotlessness, possible PPoC (Pretentious Piece of Crap).
Notes: Does anyone else get annoyed by Trowamnesia stories in which he conveniently remembers little things like How He’s Always Loved Quatre or Where They First Kissed or Some Such Nonsense? Maybe it’s just me…. Submitted for GW500 challenge #141: Book. Feedback/Criticism/Typo notifications welcome. Thanks for reading!

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April 2011

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