Assassination Foiled by Couch, or Why One Should Always Invest in Quality Furniture...

[lukon_idein]

Couldn't resist sharing yet another bizarre tidbit that, to my twisted mind, was insanely funny. All you normal folks out there may not agree, of course, but such is life... and death...

And thus Tacitus speaks of Nero's attempt to have his mother, Agrippina, done in:
"The ship had made no great way, and two of Agrippina's household were in attendance, Crepereius Gallus standing not far from the tiller, while Acerronia, bending over the feet of the recumbent princess, recalled exultantly the penitence of the son and the re-entry of the mother into favour. Suddenly the signal was given: the canopy above them, which had been heavily weighted with lead, dropped, and Crepereius was crushed and killed on the spot. Agrippina and Acerronia were saved by the height of the couch-sides which, as it happened, were too solid to give way under the impact."

Bwahahahaaaa! Curses, I would have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn't been for you meddling... couch arms.

Ruh roh, Shaggy! (Ok, now I'm picturing Agrippina being saved by a clumsy dog and the Harlem Globe Trotters. I think it's time for me to take a wee break!!)

Comments

[lil-1337.livejournal.com]

*dies* That is one episode of Scooby Doo I would so watch. I can see Scooby at the end saying my mother is a bitch too, but that doesn't make it rokay to kill her.

[lukon-idein.livejournal.com]

LOL! I think Shag and Scoob ended up getting Agrippina totally addicted to Scooby Snacks too.

[lil-1337.livejournal.com]

*dies* You know they totally did.

[dentelle-noir.livejournal.com]

AHAHAA, I LOVED Nero! And I get a kick out of how long it took him to off his mother! She finally was killed, not by a super-thought-out plot, but by a lot of guys with daggers and they chased her around the palace for I don't remember how long, and finally caught her and stabbed her. But like, dear LORD, that woman was GOOD! Nothing could kill her!

[lukon-idein.livejournal.com]

Haha. It's gruesome but yet so over-the-top you just can't help but laugh. Maybe she was related to Rasputin!

[(Anonymous)]

I really really love this couch

- Edrie

[lukon-idein.livejournal.com]

LOL. It totally makes me want to go furniture shopping, just so I can say to the salesman, "Well, it's got really nice lines, but how will it hold up against an awning full of lead?"