Is it obsession when...
Oct. 2nd, 2006 11:58 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lukon_idein...you contemplate getting a personalized license plate that reads TROWA03? Yeah, I thought so. Oh well. I wasn't seriously contemplating... more like hmmm, that's an interesting license plate - I wonder what I'd get if I'd ever bothered to get one. You know - that kind of thing. Yup. Uh huh. Soooooo, how 'bout those Mets?
Finally saw Howl's Moving Castle. SOOOOOO great! A few parts of the plot made no sense, but I can happily overlook it. (Like why does the entire fate of the these two kingdoms depend on Suliman's grudge against Howl. Confusing.) But I must say I am so glad this didn't come out when I was 13! YIKES! I probably would have been a complete ball of obsession (oh, like I'm not now?). Young, handsome mysterious wizard???? Fuck, I'd have been doomed. As it is I watched it twice in row. But I also love the idea of this girl who is allowed to discover more about herself as a 90-year-old than as a young woman. Without the pressures of sex appeal (or lack thereof for our 'plain' heroine) she can behave differently and see herself differently. A great lesson, I think, in this beauty-obsessed world. (I say after gushing over how hot Howl is. But I never said I wasn't a hypocrite!)
Also finished Disc 7 of Kyo Kara Maoh [beware spoilers in this paragraph]. It left the song 'We Love You Conrad' from Bye Bye Birdie stuck in my head for several days. : p Talk about dropping off the face of the planet. EVIL. We couldn't afford the character's voice actor anymore so we're just gonna use his arm instead. Today the part of Conrart Weller will be played by... his arm. Hehehehee. No, really, the suspense is killing me - dead or alive? (I'm voting for not dead.) Scarred for life or completely curable with magic demony healing powers? This show is one of those uniquely Asian slap-stick angst fests where you just never know which way the story is going to turn. Generally slap-stick prevails in this one but then I was completely not expecting the whole arm hacking bit. Not sure what I was expecting from an episode entitled Conrad's Arm, but I clearly wasn't thinking quite that literally! D'oh.
Okay so that's pretty much a rundown of my procrastinatory measures of the past week. Oh, yeah, I posted a quickie story on GW500 last week - at only 201 words it's really just a drabble in response to the prompt "chicken". As I mentioned in my intro there, 'chicken' and 'hot sex' are complete incompatible, so I ended up with goofy, sappy comedy instead. Though I did nobly refrain from tossing in an actual rubber chicken.
And of course tonight, instead of reading my articles on craft specialization or working on my abstract, I.... surprise, surprise, wrote another stupid story. That's what comes from another weekend fanfic binge. So spineless. Anyway this is just a short one about Trowa and his amnesia. (another longer one languishes unfinished on my desktop) This one's mostly inspired by my worries about my own lack of memory. I have spent so long actively trying to forget embarrassing moments from my day/week/life (which always seems like all the moments I ever experienced) that I can remember very little of my past - even the good bits. And then I worry about my grandfather and his memory loss. It's so painful to just lose someone like that and I'm scared that someday that's going to be me. But anyway, this is Trowa, and his problems are somewhat different from mine. Still, I gave him a similar starting point. Hope it doesn't suck too much. Written while listening to Ethel's "Be In" - a fucking zen masterpiece!!!!
And don't forget... When you're not near to us, we're blue. Oh Conrad, we love you.
Title: Reshelving the Soul
Author: Lukoni
Characters: Trowa
Word Count: 458
Summary: Trowa reflects on the importance of memories.
Rating: G
Warnings: Introspection, total plotlessness, possible PPoC (Pretentious Piece of Crap).
Notes: Does anyone else get annoyed by Trowamnesia stories in which he conveniently remembers little things like How He’s Always Loved Quatre or Where They First Kissed or Some Such Nonsense? Maybe it’s just me…. Submitted for GW500 challenge #141: Book. Feedback/Criticism/Typo notifications welcome. Thanks for reading!
Reshelving the Soul
I’d always longed to be able to forget. To forget that day, the one in which I betrayed the only family I’d ever known and watched them all die. Forget all the people I’d ever killed. Forget how ugly the world was. And then one day I did. It was gone, leaving nothing but darkness and uncertainty.
I knew things – reading, writing, driving – not a problem. But I never really knew what I knew until it was called for. One at a time I discovered my skills and painstakingly put them back on the shelf, like a library after an earthquake. I could cook but not bake. I could walk a tightrope backwards and blindfolded. I could not run a cotton candy machine. I could calm restless lions. I could not strike up a conversation with Lydia the elephant trainer. Darkness and fear were the only things I found inside when I looked for something else. Anything else to explain who I was. There was nothing there to guide me and so I followed the only guide I had.
Catherine. Who gave me a name and a home and a life. But still inside there was only darkness and fear beyond those bookshelves I was slowly restocking. I knew how to apply stage makeup but not where to stow the costumes. I could jury rig a spark plug with a paper clip and a gum wrapper. I didn’t know what setting to put the washer on.
Talk of war made me cold. Colder than I could imagine anyone could be. And my head would hurt. Like a spike into my skull. But at least it was something. Different from the darkness and fear. It was terror, bright, scalding terror. Until the war came to my door. Until it knocked down a wall and walked right in and laughed at my half-filled shelves. And it started picking up volumes and sticking them back in place. Field stripping weapons. Mobile suit engine specs. Decryption algorithms. It wasn’t the complete collection but the shelves were fuller than they had been. I could see more of myself. And inside instead there was darkness and hope.
And when it all came back, when Zero had clawed its way into my mind and torn it open and left me standing in a bloody library with a frightened orphan boy hiding behind an icy façade of indifference, I smiled at him. I knelt before him and took him in my arms and held him tight. Because he was me but I wasn’t him anymore. I wasn’t afraid anymore. Just grateful to be whole again. And I knew my memories were my strength and not my weakness. And never again did I wish I could forget.
~fin~
Finally saw Howl's Moving Castle. SOOOOOO great! A few parts of the plot made no sense, but I can happily overlook it. (Like why does the entire fate of the these two kingdoms depend on Suliman's grudge against Howl. Confusing.) But I must say I am so glad this didn't come out when I was 13! YIKES! I probably would have been a complete ball of obsession (oh, like I'm not now?). Young, handsome mysterious wizard???? Fuck, I'd have been doomed. As it is I watched it twice in row. But I also love the idea of this girl who is allowed to discover more about herself as a 90-year-old than as a young woman. Without the pressures of sex appeal (or lack thereof for our 'plain' heroine) she can behave differently and see herself differently. A great lesson, I think, in this beauty-obsessed world. (I say after gushing over how hot Howl is. But I never said I wasn't a hypocrite!)
Also finished Disc 7 of Kyo Kara Maoh [beware spoilers in this paragraph]. It left the song 'We Love You Conrad' from Bye Bye Birdie stuck in my head for several days. : p Talk about dropping off the face of the planet. EVIL. We couldn't afford the character's voice actor anymore so we're just gonna use his arm instead. Today the part of Conrart Weller will be played by... his arm. Hehehehee. No, really, the suspense is killing me - dead or alive? (I'm voting for not dead.) Scarred for life or completely curable with magic demony healing powers? This show is one of those uniquely Asian slap-stick angst fests where you just never know which way the story is going to turn. Generally slap-stick prevails in this one but then I was completely not expecting the whole arm hacking bit. Not sure what I was expecting from an episode entitled Conrad's Arm, but I clearly wasn't thinking quite that literally! D'oh.
Okay so that's pretty much a rundown of my procrastinatory measures of the past week. Oh, yeah, I posted a quickie story on GW500 last week - at only 201 words it's really just a drabble in response to the prompt "chicken". As I mentioned in my intro there, 'chicken' and 'hot sex' are complete incompatible, so I ended up with goofy, sappy comedy instead. Though I did nobly refrain from tossing in an actual rubber chicken.
And of course tonight, instead of reading my articles on craft specialization or working on my abstract, I.... surprise, surprise, wrote another stupid story. That's what comes from another weekend fanfic binge. So spineless. Anyway this is just a short one about Trowa and his amnesia. (another longer one languishes unfinished on my desktop) This one's mostly inspired by my worries about my own lack of memory. I have spent so long actively trying to forget embarrassing moments from my day/week/life (which always seems like all the moments I ever experienced) that I can remember very little of my past - even the good bits. And then I worry about my grandfather and his memory loss. It's so painful to just lose someone like that and I'm scared that someday that's going to be me. But anyway, this is Trowa, and his problems are somewhat different from mine. Still, I gave him a similar starting point. Hope it doesn't suck too much. Written while listening to Ethel's "Be In" - a fucking zen masterpiece!!!!
And don't forget... When you're not near to us, we're blue. Oh Conrad, we love you.
Title: Reshelving the Soul
Author: Lukoni
Characters: Trowa
Word Count: 458
Summary: Trowa reflects on the importance of memories.
Rating: G
Warnings: Introspection, total plotlessness, possible PPoC (Pretentious Piece of Crap).
Notes: Does anyone else get annoyed by Trowamnesia stories in which he conveniently remembers little things like How He’s Always Loved Quatre or Where They First Kissed or Some Such Nonsense? Maybe it’s just me…. Submitted for GW500 challenge #141: Book. Feedback/Criticism/Typo notifications welcome. Thanks for reading!
Reshelving the Soul
I’d always longed to be able to forget. To forget that day, the one in which I betrayed the only family I’d ever known and watched them all die. Forget all the people I’d ever killed. Forget how ugly the world was. And then one day I did. It was gone, leaving nothing but darkness and uncertainty.
I knew things – reading, writing, driving – not a problem. But I never really knew what I knew until it was called for. One at a time I discovered my skills and painstakingly put them back on the shelf, like a library after an earthquake. I could cook but not bake. I could walk a tightrope backwards and blindfolded. I could not run a cotton candy machine. I could calm restless lions. I could not strike up a conversation with Lydia the elephant trainer. Darkness and fear were the only things I found inside when I looked for something else. Anything else to explain who I was. There was nothing there to guide me and so I followed the only guide I had.
Catherine. Who gave me a name and a home and a life. But still inside there was only darkness and fear beyond those bookshelves I was slowly restocking. I knew how to apply stage makeup but not where to stow the costumes. I could jury rig a spark plug with a paper clip and a gum wrapper. I didn’t know what setting to put the washer on.
Talk of war made me cold. Colder than I could imagine anyone could be. And my head would hurt. Like a spike into my skull. But at least it was something. Different from the darkness and fear. It was terror, bright, scalding terror. Until the war came to my door. Until it knocked down a wall and walked right in and laughed at my half-filled shelves. And it started picking up volumes and sticking them back in place. Field stripping weapons. Mobile suit engine specs. Decryption algorithms. It wasn’t the complete collection but the shelves were fuller than they had been. I could see more of myself. And inside instead there was darkness and hope.
And when it all came back, when Zero had clawed its way into my mind and torn it open and left me standing in a bloody library with a frightened orphan boy hiding behind an icy façade of indifference, I smiled at him. I knelt before him and took him in my arms and held him tight. Because he was me but I wasn’t him anymore. I wasn’t afraid anymore. Just grateful to be whole again. And I knew my memories were my strength and not my weakness. And never again did I wish I could forget.
~fin~
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
on 2006-12-06 10:02 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2006-12-09 07:10 am (UTC)no subject
on 2006-12-18 07:26 pm (UTC)(BTW. In Howl, the kingdoms are at war because the other country blamed them for their missing prince [IE. Turniphead]. Read the book. It makes WAY more sence. By Dianna Wynne Jones)
no subject
on 2006-12-18 10:34 pm (UTC)Thanks also for the Howl info! I did finally check out the English version, and it was a little clearer - but still it seemed a little anticlimatic. Suliman seemed so obsessed with Howl (was it my imagination or were her little pageboy minions basically just young Howl clones?) to the point where the war took kind of a back seat to their fight, and then all of a sudden it was like, Oh, guess the war's over now, too bad. But I do see how Turniphead fits in now. (I tried to get the book out of the university library and it was missing, dammit! Liberated by some rabid fangirl, no doubt. *looks around nervously* It wasn't me - I SWEAR!)
no subject
on 2007-03-16 12:03 am (UTC)no subject
on 2007-03-16 03:13 am (UTC)no subject
on 2007-03-16 03:17 am (UTC)And of course, please do friend me as well! Us 30-something anime (and Trowa!) fans have to stick together!
no subject
on 2007-03-16 06:43 pm (UTC)And now that I've poked a bit around your journal I realize that you wrote Pretty Electric (sometimes I'm a bit slow in linking a work to its author)! I love that story - it deals with such interesting issues and it's totally depressing and all the instances where Trowa tries but fails to show his own creativity are so heartbreaking. Love it!! (And sorry I never commented before.)
YAY for 30-something fangirls!! We need an official t-shirt. : )
no subject
on 2007-03-16 11:32 pm (UTC)I am looking forward to reading more from you as the inspiration strikes you.
Yup, definitely need a t-shirt :D
no subject
on 2009-08-20 08:32 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2010-02-11 07:20 am (UTC)no subject
on 2010-01-26 10:28 pm (UTC)This was very refreshing and insightful ^__^
no subject
on 2010-02-01 06:48 am (UTC)