Lukoni's Lair of Lethargy

So I just went out to the bar for the usual weekly gathering and as soon as I got there I pretty much wanted to leave again. I just haven't been enjoying other people's company lately. Ok, so I've always been a total curmudgeon and a massive loser in the realm of social chitchat, but I know these guys so it should be hard. I guess it's still stress.

Perhaps that's why I wrote this latest installment of my ongoing project of Failure by Fanfic. My recent attack of workplace stress has led me to bestow the affliction on one of my favorite five. (Sorry, Heero - but it was either you or Wufei, and I just suck at writing him.)

Now if I can just finish that fic for Dentelle_Noir.... *gulp* It is SOOOOOOO late now I'm just depressed. But when those muses run and hide it's really hard to force them. I'll try. Spring Break coming up - that may help.

Also need a new anime series. Just finished Get Backers. It was excellent and I really want to read the manga, but it apparently will reach over 35 volumes which is way more than I can afford! I've started Yugo: The Negotiator - which is, refreshingly, for grownups which makes me happy, but is also very short. Got to find a good long one to sink my claws into. Oh yeah, and finish Full Metal Alchemist - just don't want get to the uber-depressing ending that is hurtling at me like a runaway train. Sigh. I could start on that next Dorothy Dunnett book - No. Must resist until summer... evil... EVIL

Anyway, here's the latest attempt at fic. I completely had Heero's thoughts in my head but it was getting unwieldy to put them on paper so I just left them out completely, trusting the reader to fill in the appropriate miasma of deeply imbedded self-recrimination mixed with tentative tendrils of hope. Not sure I provided enough framework for that, though. We'll see.

Title: Sins of the Father
Author: Lukoni
Characters: Trowa+Heero (friendship), HeeroxDuo
Word Count: 860
Summary: Heero’s under stress. For everyone’s sake, Trowa has to talk him down.
Rating: G
Warnings: Nothing much. Some alcohol consumption.
Notes: Set post-EW. Not sure I like how it came out, but I’m throwing it out there anyway. Written for GW500 challenge #162: Chips. Feedback/Criticism/Typo notifications welcome. Thanks for reading!

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So I've been in a bad mood for at least two weeks now. Seriously bad. Not wanting to hang out with anyone. Angry at things for no reason. Stuff like that. I thought it was PMS, but no such luck. That's been and gone and yet I'm still as cranky as a Model T engine. I have no idea why, though I suppose I've been a little stressed about my lack of progress towards my thesis - It's coming on three years now and I don't even have an outline. And I did sign up for a full schedule of classes this semester in an attempt to keep me from slacking off as badly as I did last semester, but that makes it difficult for me to find any extra time for thesis stuff. So maybe it's just that. I sure hope it goes away soon. It's tiring being angry all the time!!

As an attempt to deal with it through writing, I sifted through all the old story ideas in my head looking for something that I could write while in such a vile mood - no fluffy bunnies or giddy crushes - and I did find one. Though oddly, the story didn't come out as angry or gritty as I had originally envisioned. I came up with the idea over a year ago, after reading so much Trowa stuff that the only thing left I could find that I hadn't read was a bunch of 3x5 stories. Now this is a couple that I can NEVER see get together. They just seem to have absolutely nothing in common. In order to read any 3x5, I usually just have to accept that they're together and not ask how it came about. So way back when I racked my brain for a situation in which they might realistically interact sexually, and this was the only one I could come up with. Not a happy tale, but I did my best to demonstrate why I thought it was so unlikely that they'd ever fall in love with each other. At least not based on their relationship from the series. I might buy it if some post-EW event brought them together, but so far I haven't come across a fic like that.

Not sure where to post it - it certainly doesn't fall under this week's gw500 challenge (Romance)! And I'm not sure it falls within the mandate for love_trowa, since he is portrayed in a slightly unflattering light. But then again it's not dark enough for darktrowa. I did just discover gundamwing_smut, however, and it might fit there. Hmmmm. All these levels of fandom. So tricky! But for now, I'll just post it here and get it over with. If anyone reads it and has a suggestion, let me know! Must go to bed - stupid 9 am classes! (Gee, I remember when I used to have to get to work every day at nine. - Shut up, conscience!)

Title: Lessons
Author: Lukoni
Fandom: Gundam Wing
Pairing: 5x3
Summary: Trowa will do whatever it takes to infiltrate Mariameia’s army.
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 1210
Warnings: Dubious consent. Oral sex.
Notes: Set during Endless Waltz.


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...you contemplate getting a personalized license plate that reads TROWA03? Yeah, I thought so. Oh well. I wasn't seriously contemplating... more like hmmm, that's an interesting license plate - I wonder what I'd get if I'd ever bothered to get one. You know - that kind of thing. Yup. Uh huh. Soooooo, how 'bout those Mets?

Finally saw Howl's Moving Castle. SOOOOOO great! A few parts of the plot made no sense, but I can happily overlook it. (Like why does the entire fate of the these two kingdoms depend on Suliman's grudge against Howl. Confusing.) But I must say I am so glad this didn't come out when I was 13! YIKES! I probably would have been a complete ball of obsession (oh, like I'm not now?). Young, handsome mysterious wizard???? Fuck, I'd have been doomed. As it is I watched it twice in row. But I also love the idea of this girl who is allowed to discover more about herself as a 90-year-old than as a young woman. Without the pressures of sex appeal (or lack thereof for our 'plain' heroine) she can behave differently and see herself differently. A great lesson, I think, in this beauty-obsessed world. (I say after gushing over how hot Howl is. But I never said I wasn't a hypocrite!)

Also finished Disc 7 of Kyo Kara Maoh [beware spoilers in this paragraph]. It left the song 'We Love You Conrad' from Bye Bye Birdie stuck in my head for several days. : p Talk about dropping off the face of the planet. EVIL. We couldn't afford the character's voice actor anymore so we're just gonna use his arm instead. Today the part of Conrart Weller will be played by... his arm. Hehehehee. No, really, the suspense is killing me - dead or alive? (I'm voting for not dead.) Scarred for life or completely curable with magic demony healing powers? This show is one of those uniquely Asian slap-stick angst fests where you just never know which way the story is going to turn. Generally slap-stick prevails in this one but then I was completely not expecting the whole arm hacking bit. Not sure what I was expecting from an episode entitled Conrad's Arm, but I clearly wasn't thinking quite that literally! D'oh.

Okay so that's pretty much a rundown of my procrastinatory measures of the past week. Oh, yeah, I posted a quickie story on GW500 last week - at only 201 words it's really just a drabble in response to the prompt "chicken". As I mentioned in my intro there, 'chicken' and 'hot sex' are complete incompatible, so I ended up with goofy, sappy comedy instead. Though I did nobly refrain from tossing in an actual rubber chicken.

And of course tonight, instead of reading my articles on craft specialization or working on my abstract, I.... surprise, surprise, wrote another stupid story. That's what comes from another weekend fanfic binge. So spineless. Anyway this is just a short one about Trowa and his amnesia. (another longer one languishes unfinished on my desktop) This one's mostly inspired by my worries about my own lack of memory. I have spent so long actively trying to forget embarrassing moments from my day/week/life (which always seems like all the moments I ever experienced) that I can remember very little of my past - even the good bits. And then I worry about my grandfather and his memory loss. It's so painful to just lose someone like that and I'm scared that someday that's going to be me. But anyway, this is Trowa, and his problems are somewhat different from mine. Still, I gave him a similar starting point. Hope it doesn't suck too much. Written while listening to Ethel's "Be In" - a fucking zen masterpiece!!!!

And don't forget... When you're not near to us, we're blue. Oh Conrad, we love you.

Title: Reshelving the Soul
Author: Lukoni
Characters: Trowa
Word Count: 458
Summary: Trowa reflects on the importance of memories.
Rating: G
Warnings: Introspection, total plotlessness, possible PPoC (Pretentious Piece of Crap).
Notes: Does anyone else get annoyed by Trowamnesia stories in which he conveniently remembers little things like How He’s Always Loved Quatre or Where They First Kissed or Some Such Nonsense? Maybe it’s just me…. Submitted for GW500 challenge #141: Book. Feedback/Criticism/Typo notifications welcome. Thanks for reading!

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