Take her out behind the barn, pa.
Dec. 1st, 2006 12:42 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lukon_ideinGod, I've been so fucking depressed lately! Pissing me off. Can't get anything done, and don't really care. I know some is PMS-related, but not all of it. Just went out to the northwest (got to be there for all the snow! Way cool.) And I was surprised to find that far from my interest being stimulated from being someplace new, I was more depressed. Guess I might be somewhat envious of my dad and step-mom having that old, comfy relationship that I will never have when I'm their age. I don't have to deal with that when I visit my mom - she usually is happy to console me that there are many benefits to being single. Her oft-spoken adage 'I want a man in my life but not in my house' always makes me smile. But at least she has kids. Not that I realistically want kids, cuz I hate the thought of being responsible for bringing someone else into the world just so that they, too, can be miserable, but there is still that stupid biological clock prodding me, telling me something's missing. Fucking hormones.
I can't even deal with writing, which I was enjoying there for a while. Everything I write seems emotionally shallow and full of cliches. Posted something last night and then took it down the next morning because I was paranoid that it sucked too much. Pathetic. And I find myself agonizing over whether I'll get any feedback or not, and if I don't then I'm completely disappointed and basically just too emotionally dependent on whether people bother to tell me if they liked a stupid 600-word story. It's so pathetic. It doesn't help that I finally broke down over the holiday and cracked open the second book of the Lymond Chronicles that has been tempting me since the beginning of the semester. FUCK, Dorothy Dunnett is an amazing writer!! Just reading one chapter of hers makes me ashamed to even consider picking up the proverbial pen ever again. Behold the brilliance:
"It was one of those occasions when Lymond asleep wrecked the peace of mind of more people than Lymond awake."
and
"It was difficult not to like him, and few tried."
Sigh. Such command of her universe!! Such clarity of thought and image! Such concise delivery! I am in paroxysms of delight and envy. It has finally become clear to me that my imagination is limited to the hackneyed plots I grew up with on television, and that my emotional perception is severely hampered by the fact that I'm a bitter, misanthropic old crone. Even in the GW fandom there are so many writers that just wipe the floor with me, it makes me sick. Especially when I am already feeling morose and incompetent.
On the upside - at least I took a few pictures in Washington that I liked. Would have been better with an SLR, but still, a couple were decent. And Newcastle was on sale at the grocery store. Woohoo. They recently jacked the price up to $9.fucking49! Jesus Christ on a stick! What's in this stuff? Titanium? Putting it on sale is the only way they are going to move any stock in this town. No one here is going to pay 9.50 for a sixpack! Hell, I can go to MH's during happy hour and get four pints for practically the same price. Huh, rant much? And about beer. The road to alcoholism is a subtle one, my dear.
So I guess I'll post my yanked story here, because I still like the last line, even if the rest of it is seriously flawed. And this is the only repository I have for all my fics. Except for one or two I posted on Pervy_Werewolf way back when. One was pretty nasty, as I recall. Maybe I should try that again. I keep coming up with silly comedy vignettes when I really want pain, blood, angst and misery - with an eventual happy ending, of course. Sigh. I'm really whining alot tonight. But then, that's kinda what this journal is for - no one really reads it but me, so I could just write shit down in a book, but somehow I can't bring myself to do that, but *this* I can do. Weird. Maybe it's the pitiable hope that someone will read it and sympathize. My friend Matt thinks it's completely pathetic that people do that, and I agree that it's totally egotistical (and probably somehow passive-aggressive), but I'm nothing if not shallow and self-obsessed, so I guess it's perfect for me. : P
Damn, life is a crappy place. And without any further ado (and with one brief rewrite)....
Title: Everything Nice
Author: Lukoni
Characters/Pairing: Quatre/Trowa, mention of Heero/Duo
Word Count: 668
Summary: Quatre’s sick of being the cute one.
Rating: R
Warnings: Fluff, smooching, mild suggestions of bdsm, garnish abuse.
Notes: As mentioned above, written for GW500 challenge #149: Sugar, but pulled for general suckiness.
Everything Nice
Quatre returned from the bar with a scowl. “Another sugar,” he muttered, slowly placing his carefully balanced handful of drinks down on the table and flopping down into the seat next to the braided man.
“What?” asked Duo, thinking he’d mis-heard his friend over the loud music.
“Sugar,” sneered the blond executive, taking a sip from his alcohol-free juice concoction. “Another hit,” he glared briefly at a tall man in cowboy boots and checked shirt. “It’s always sugar, sweetie, baby, darling. Why do they always hit on me like I’m a girl??”
Duo, finally understanding the problem, was about to respond concerning his friend’s choice of beverage, when Quatre cut him off. “I’m just as tall as Trowa now. I’ve got broad shoulders. I’m manly.”
Duo snorted. “Yes, Quatre, you’re very manly.”
“Oh piss off! Trowa gets Hot Stuff, and Killer and Babe...”
“You just complained about babe....”
“No, that was babY,” Quatre explained to his clearly mentally-challenged companion. “Baby implies something soft and cuddly, while babe denotes something hot and sexy.”
“Obviously.”
“Hell, some kid out of the blue once called him Master and then dropped to his knees and started licking his boots!”
“No shit?! What did he do?” Quatre was not to be deterred from his subject, however.
“And what do I get? Honey. Muffin. Lamb.”
“Sorry, buddy, but with my hair I’ve gotten everything from Girlie to Little Lady. No sympathy here at all.” Duo smugly took a swig of his beer and turned to check out the swirling bodies on the dance floor.
“I just want to be hot and sexy! Not cute and adorable. Is that too much to ask??”
Duo took one look at the disgruntled blond, sulking in his rumpled charcoal suit, glaring daggers between his disheveled golden locks and smiled. Picture postcard for cute. “’Fraid so. Guess you’d better suck it up and move on.”
“You’re such a help,” Quatre complained, thwacking his friend in the head with his garnish.
“Hey, Tiger,” a silky voice purred in his ear. “Did I miss much?” Quatre let his head fall back with a grin, looking up at his boyfriend standing over him. The balm of Trowa’s appellation had worked its magic once more. Quatre’s empathy sensed the ever-present sincerity behind his lover’s words. Never patronizing or condescending. One man, at least, always saw Quatre as strong, dangerous and sexy.
“Only Duo being an asshole.” To punctuate the point, a soggy celery leaf landed squarely on Quatre’s nose.
“Your boyfriend’s whining. Make him stop.” Trowa licked the invading vegetation from his lover’s nose, swallowing it with a smile.
“Another Baby?”
“Sugar. If I didn’t have to keep up the Winner image, I’d show him just how sweet I can be.”
“Mmmm, I love it when you talk dirty.” He bent down and began kissing Quatre’s upturned face. He broke away reluctantly when a slice of citrus hit the back of his neck.
“Can you rub in MORE the fact that Heero is out of town, guys?”
“Sorry, Duo,” Quatre muttered as Trowa slid in next him.
“I say fuck the Winner Image. If you don’t want to be seen as Cute then bring Tro here on a leash next time and give anyone who looks at him a nice big Zero glare.” A low rumble of approval emanated from Trowa’s throat.
“I...” Quatre’s cheeks warmed happily at the image. “I couldn’t...” With every attempt to get his cock to behave, it simply rebelled further. “It wouldn’t be... oh hell. You did it again, Duo! You’re determined to turn me into a complete sex maniac.” Duo tried to look innocent, but failed entirely.
“C’mon,” Quatre said, snagging Trowa’s wrist, images of leather collars dancing in his head. “We gotta go. NOW.”
“Yes, sir!” said Trowa, tossing a wink to Duo. “I owe you one,” he said as he passed the American.
“Just tell Heero the boot-licking story when he gets back and we’re even!” Duo called at his retreating back. “Well, sweetie,” Duo sighed, looking sadly at his beer bottle, “looks like the only thing I’ll be getting my lips on tonight is you. Nice curves. You come here often?”
~fin~
I can't even deal with writing, which I was enjoying there for a while. Everything I write seems emotionally shallow and full of cliches. Posted something last night and then took it down the next morning because I was paranoid that it sucked too much. Pathetic. And I find myself agonizing over whether I'll get any feedback or not, and if I don't then I'm completely disappointed and basically just too emotionally dependent on whether people bother to tell me if they liked a stupid 600-word story. It's so pathetic. It doesn't help that I finally broke down over the holiday and cracked open the second book of the Lymond Chronicles that has been tempting me since the beginning of the semester. FUCK, Dorothy Dunnett is an amazing writer!! Just reading one chapter of hers makes me ashamed to even consider picking up the proverbial pen ever again. Behold the brilliance:
"It was one of those occasions when Lymond asleep wrecked the peace of mind of more people than Lymond awake."
and
"It was difficult not to like him, and few tried."
Sigh. Such command of her universe!! Such clarity of thought and image! Such concise delivery! I am in paroxysms of delight and envy. It has finally become clear to me that my imagination is limited to the hackneyed plots I grew up with on television, and that my emotional perception is severely hampered by the fact that I'm a bitter, misanthropic old crone. Even in the GW fandom there are so many writers that just wipe the floor with me, it makes me sick. Especially when I am already feeling morose and incompetent.
On the upside - at least I took a few pictures in Washington that I liked. Would have been better with an SLR, but still, a couple were decent. And Newcastle was on sale at the grocery store. Woohoo. They recently jacked the price up to $9.fucking49! Jesus Christ on a stick! What's in this stuff? Titanium? Putting it on sale is the only way they are going to move any stock in this town. No one here is going to pay 9.50 for a sixpack! Hell, I can go to MH's during happy hour and get four pints for practically the same price. Huh, rant much? And about beer. The road to alcoholism is a subtle one, my dear.
So I guess I'll post my yanked story here, because I still like the last line, even if the rest of it is seriously flawed. And this is the only repository I have for all my fics. Except for one or two I posted on Pervy_Werewolf way back when. One was pretty nasty, as I recall. Maybe I should try that again. I keep coming up with silly comedy vignettes when I really want pain, blood, angst and misery - with an eventual happy ending, of course. Sigh. I'm really whining alot tonight. But then, that's kinda what this journal is for - no one really reads it but me, so I could just write shit down in a book, but somehow I can't bring myself to do that, but *this* I can do. Weird. Maybe it's the pitiable hope that someone will read it and sympathize. My friend Matt thinks it's completely pathetic that people do that, and I agree that it's totally egotistical (and probably somehow passive-aggressive), but I'm nothing if not shallow and self-obsessed, so I guess it's perfect for me. : P
Damn, life is a crappy place. And without any further ado (and with one brief rewrite)....
Title: Everything Nice
Author: Lukoni
Characters/Pairing: Quatre/Trowa, mention of Heero/Duo
Word Count: 668
Summary: Quatre’s sick of being the cute one.
Rating: R
Warnings: Fluff, smooching, mild suggestions of bdsm, garnish abuse.
Notes: As mentioned above, written for GW500 challenge #149: Sugar, but pulled for general suckiness.
Everything Nice
Quatre returned from the bar with a scowl. “Another sugar,” he muttered, slowly placing his carefully balanced handful of drinks down on the table and flopping down into the seat next to the braided man.
“What?” asked Duo, thinking he’d mis-heard his friend over the loud music.
“Sugar,” sneered the blond executive, taking a sip from his alcohol-free juice concoction. “Another hit,” he glared briefly at a tall man in cowboy boots and checked shirt. “It’s always sugar, sweetie, baby, darling. Why do they always hit on me like I’m a girl??”
Duo, finally understanding the problem, was about to respond concerning his friend’s choice of beverage, when Quatre cut him off. “I’m just as tall as Trowa now. I’ve got broad shoulders. I’m manly.”
Duo snorted. “Yes, Quatre, you’re very manly.”
“Oh piss off! Trowa gets Hot Stuff, and Killer and Babe...”
“You just complained about babe....”
“No, that was babY,” Quatre explained to his clearly mentally-challenged companion. “Baby implies something soft and cuddly, while babe denotes something hot and sexy.”
“Obviously.”
“Hell, some kid out of the blue once called him Master and then dropped to his knees and started licking his boots!”
“No shit?! What did he do?” Quatre was not to be deterred from his subject, however.
“And what do I get? Honey. Muffin. Lamb.”
“Sorry, buddy, but with my hair I’ve gotten everything from Girlie to Little Lady. No sympathy here at all.” Duo smugly took a swig of his beer and turned to check out the swirling bodies on the dance floor.
“I just want to be hot and sexy! Not cute and adorable. Is that too much to ask??”
Duo took one look at the disgruntled blond, sulking in his rumpled charcoal suit, glaring daggers between his disheveled golden locks and smiled. Picture postcard for cute. “’Fraid so. Guess you’d better suck it up and move on.”
“You’re such a help,” Quatre complained, thwacking his friend in the head with his garnish.
“Hey, Tiger,” a silky voice purred in his ear. “Did I miss much?” Quatre let his head fall back with a grin, looking up at his boyfriend standing over him. The balm of Trowa’s appellation had worked its magic once more. Quatre’s empathy sensed the ever-present sincerity behind his lover’s words. Never patronizing or condescending. One man, at least, always saw Quatre as strong, dangerous and sexy.
“Only Duo being an asshole.” To punctuate the point, a soggy celery leaf landed squarely on Quatre’s nose.
“Your boyfriend’s whining. Make him stop.” Trowa licked the invading vegetation from his lover’s nose, swallowing it with a smile.
“Another Baby?”
“Sugar. If I didn’t have to keep up the Winner image, I’d show him just how sweet I can be.”
“Mmmm, I love it when you talk dirty.” He bent down and began kissing Quatre’s upturned face. He broke away reluctantly when a slice of citrus hit the back of his neck.
“Can you rub in MORE the fact that Heero is out of town, guys?”
“Sorry, Duo,” Quatre muttered as Trowa slid in next him.
“I say fuck the Winner Image. If you don’t want to be seen as Cute then bring Tro here on a leash next time and give anyone who looks at him a nice big Zero glare.” A low rumble of approval emanated from Trowa’s throat.
“I...” Quatre’s cheeks warmed happily at the image. “I couldn’t...” With every attempt to get his cock to behave, it simply rebelled further. “It wouldn’t be... oh hell. You did it again, Duo! You’re determined to turn me into a complete sex maniac.” Duo tried to look innocent, but failed entirely.
“C’mon,” Quatre said, snagging Trowa’s wrist, images of leather collars dancing in his head. “We gotta go. NOW.”
“Yes, sir!” said Trowa, tossing a wink to Duo. “I owe you one,” he said as he passed the American.
“Just tell Heero the boot-licking story when he gets back and we’re even!” Duo called at his retreating back. “Well, sweetie,” Duo sighed, looking sadly at his beer bottle, “looks like the only thing I’ll be getting my lips on tonight is you. Nice curves. You come here often?”
~fin~
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no subject
on 2006-12-18 06:38 pm (UTC)Jesus, you have such a way with short drabbles! I'm so envious! I can't write drabbles very well at all! They always turn into chapter stories!!
The humor was GRAND! I loved it!
no subject
on 2006-12-18 10:05 pm (UTC)So glad you liked this fic. I was worried that they seemed too OOC, but I just couldn't stop myself. And Duo chatting up his beer bottle still makes me laugh! I am honored you like my drabbles, but in turn I envy your ability to write chapter fics - I don't have ADD or anything, but I find it hard to keep up the momentum and characterization over multiple parts.
no subject
on 2006-12-18 10:33 pm (UTC)I'm so surprised that you liked that one! I didn't think it was too well recieved, thank you so much! Most people remember me for my long fic Wilderness or even my To Be King, but I'm SO HAPPY you thought of WYWO! That was my absolute favorite universe to write! I had so much fun with it! I also wrote a prequel for the Heero-Duo relationship called VeiwFinder but it wasn't as much designer fun as the other two! I just love that universe! I'm so adicted to it!
And damn! Are you kidding me! Your fics fucking ROCK! I've been reading some of your more recent ones and... OMG. So jealous of your drabble-wriitng abilities! A drabble says so much is such a short time. Long fics never die, and I feel like I'm just a one-trick pony. Long fic, followed by equally long fic with nothing different in between. It's not as hard as it's cracked up to be!
hey! It's not too late to be put on my Christmas list (I fucking LOVE Christmas, there's NO holiday better!) so E-mail me with a Drabble prompt/request, AND/or send me your Address and I think I can still get a christmas card to you on time (if you live in North Am, anyway)!
no subject
on 2006-12-19 05:25 am (UTC)*blushes* Thanks for such high praise! Getting embarrassed now.... Don't worry about being a one trick pony - as long as you enjoy what you're writing, it doesn't matter what form it takes!!
Ooh thanks for the xmas offer! I'll be out of town for the holiday, so don't worry about mailing anything. But a drabble... hmmm.... so tempting... I'd LOVE to see something about how Quatre from WYWO decorates his & Tro's place for the holidays.... you know, if you are so inclined.... : ) (And if you want anything from me I'll be happy to reciprocate - not by the 25th, but I can probably do something for New Years)
...
on 2006-12-19 05:53 am (UTC)Oh Jeeze, now *I’M* blushing from all this praise!
And you are completely right about Wilderness stretching the reality boundaries. It was done with that sort of in mind. You see, the prompt for Wilderness came from reading the book jacket of a Karen Robards Book called “Heartbreaker” your typical one-class-above-harlequin-romance sort of books. Although I did, eventually, read Heartbreaker, it follows a completely different plot line for Wilderness. But when I was writing it, I was trying to recreate a sort of Die Hard/ Cliffhanger/ Bruce Willis sort of action adventure thing with a slice of a romance novel. I completely tabled high-level realism with that one. But I think I was upfront enough about it so people would see it for what it was. I personally, didn’t think Wilderness was one of my best (and I actually began writing it almost 3 years before I posted it!) although a lot of ppl I’ve met over FF.net remember me for that one. I left a comment on a story once and got one of those “OMG! I’m a SO totally flattered that YOU would read my Story! I just LOVED Wilderness!” and... to be honest, It was a toss up between feeling Creepy and Feeling Ecstatic! LOL!
And I am SO going to get onto that Drabble request! I love it! (although, at this stage of the game I can’t promise a fic by the 25th either. But I like your idea of By New Years! We should do a Fic Exchange on New Years [can you tell that I just fucking LOVE the holidays...]! I promise you a fic by New Years!) And...you really don’t have to give me anything! But...I’ll be honest.... I just love your dark humor style so much, I don’t want to pass up the opportunity to ask!!! I don’t really know what sort of prompt to ask for.... I just love your fics with Trowa acting something while keeping that snarky inner monologue going! (but that’s not a prompt, Damn it!) how about........... Party Crashers!
And more WYWO is on it's way to you!
Re: ...
on 2006-12-20 04:51 am (UTC)YIPPEE!!! More WYWO!!! *jumps up and down like a total dork* Um, yes, well, anyway.... Thanks so much! New Years Swap sounds like a plan. I've already got the germ of an idea for 'party crashers' - hmmmmm. 'Snarky inner monologue' can be difficult on demand, but I'll do my best. And I have 2000 miles of driving to work out all the quirks. Yes, I'll be leaving tomorrow am to start my annual roadtrip halfway across the country. It's a little insane, but all that alone time leads to mucho story-plotting opportunities. Muahahahahaaa. Happy holidays!!
no subject
on 2009-08-20 07:45 pm (UTC)So... It has finally become clear to me that my imagination is limited to the hackneyed plots I grew up with on television, and that my emotional perception is severely hampered by the fact that I'm a bitter, misanthropic old crone. Even in the GW fandom there are so many writers that just wipe the floor with me, it makes me sick.
&
Maybe it's the pitiable hope that someone will read it and sympathize. My friend Matt thinks it's completely pathetic that people do that, and I agree that it's totally egotistical (and probably somehow passive-aggressive), but I'm nothing if not shallow and self-obsessed, so I guess it's perfect for me. : P
At the risk of sounding off-the-wall sketchy, I also want to say that I've also been really enjoying reading your personal life rants, because it seriously feels like I'm reading my own inner monologue. Where I'm feeling bad about myself, but I'm also laughing at myself for feeling bad at myself, but still feeling bad about myself. Life. What a joy, haha!
Well, never fear, you are one of the GW writers who could wipe the floor with ME! And I'm sure there's some sad little Mary Sue writer out there I could wipe the floor with too...somewhere...lol. ;P
no subject
on 2009-08-21 10:15 pm (UTC)And neato! I'm very happy you can relate to my pathetic ramblings!! It's great to know there are others out there who think similarly. I think just the act of writing the entry often brings up my mood - it helps give me perspective and lets me see the humor in the world. It's kinda like washing the sand off your feet after getting off the beach.
No, no floor wiping for either of us! We must keep positive attitudes and write for enjoyment rather than competition! (Which, of course, is easy to say, harder to put into practice...) Poor sad little Mary Sue writer...she's trying her best. Really. I'm sure. Though maybe she just sucks and should learn to accept it. ;)